Richard Howardson

2012-01-06T18:48:00.000+05:30

Imagine a patient who is suffering from a deadly disease and there's this only one medicine in this whole world which can keep him alive. But that medicine tastes just awful and gives a strong burning sensation while consuming that it hurts. Should he take it? Of course, right? Now he might find it hard to take the medicine right now but as time passes by, he knows he will get used to the taste and that burning sensation won't bother him anymore. But if he gives in to this pain right now and refuses to take the medicine, he will die.

That patient.. is Me. And this girl, Monalika... she's the medicine.

Now I know it hurts me sometimes and she doesn't realize it or maybe she does but she won't change herself so she wants to go away but hey, I NEED her.

It has never happened before. I never felt like this before. They say they know me and I can't fall in love with a girl so soon. And yes, as far as I thought that I know myself, I wan't supposed to. But I did!

And she wants me to move on. Funny. It makes me laugh because if some girl would have asked me to do the same like 2 months back, I would have done that most probably. But I don't know how I'd be able to do that now. I promised her that I'll try. And yes, I will because that is what she wants so badly. But I can't promise that I'll succeed.

I hope I do. I hope I discover an alternative medicine, soon.

2012-01-06T18:26:00.000+05:30

No matter how strong you are emotionally, there comes a time in your life when you bump into a certain person who has the ability to break you apart and in most cases, they do. And as ironic as it is, in most cases you actually fall in love with that person!

2012-01-05T16:37:00.000+05:30

Belated Happy New Year to everyone. I have been gone for a while. It's not like I didn't have anything to write here. I didn't get time or maybe I was just not feeling like updating anything.

There's a lot going on in my life right now, both good and bad.
Well talking about the good things, my poetry book "Love Is All" was published this New Year. I was pretty much excited about it. It was like a dream come true. But you know, it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing else matters anymore!

Last year November 26th, I fell in love with a girl, Monalika (keeping out the last name for obvious reasons). The great part is, she loves me too. The worst part, she thinks we can never be together because we have so many things in different. We don't think alike, we don't live alike, we have different opinions about almost everything and almost everyone. I have been a moron so many times, I know that. There were times when she did things which hurt me, a lot. And said some stupid things, well maybe very stupid things. The thing is, I am ready to change myself maybe completely for her and she is someone who would never change for anyone, not even for me. And seriously, I don't want her to change. All I want is her to at least appreciate what I am doing for her and maybe respect my feelings a bit, understand me!

She's a very good person. She's just different. I can change my habits, my lifestyle, everything but how do I change my feelings? How do I not feel bad when she cares about someone else's feelings more than mine, how do I not feel bad when she gets mad for some reason and won't even let me explain, how do I not feel bad when she says that she never asked me to do all these things for her, to try to change myself according to her and that I can move on if it's hurting me?! I mean for chrissake I'm trying to make this relation work and she won't even appreciate it!!

She holds grudges, even against me. She wouldn't forgive me for some stupid mistake I made. I asked her to go away because she was hurting me. And we broke up. And THAT was my mistake. But not even 1 day had passed I wanted her back. I told her that. But no, she won't forgive me for what I did.

And today I found out that she even has a problem about telling the people that she loves me and she doesn't even want me to tell the world about it (you get it, why I didn't write the last name?). She is a private person when it comes to her relationships, I understand that. But some other guy is telling the world that he's in love with her and she doesn't have MUCH of a problem with that because according to her, he's a very good friend. What am I?! And yes, she thinks I'm comparing myself to him because of that. I am NOT comparing myself, it just makes me feel bad.

Last night, I cried. It had been years I didn't shed a single tear. But from the day she's come in my life, it feels like all the emotions I have hidden inside me are gushing out. I've cried all night so many times and amazingly, I feel good about knowing that I can actually cry! I thought I don't have any feelings like that.

About last night, she said that there is something so common in all the guys, that we all are self centered. We care only about our feelings. Funny, right? A girl I love so much and I'm ready to leave everything for her, the only person in this world that I actually thought I care about more than myself... That girl is saying that I am self centered. How do I NOT feel bad about that?!

It hurts. And even though I know that maybe she will never change, maybe it will keep hurting me, I still have hope. And I want it. I love her and my life might not be very delightful or amicable with her but without her, I wouldn't actually be living! It's better to get hurt than feel nothing.

She wants me to move on. It's funny. I mean, really funny. If she thinks that I will be able to move on just like that, either she doubts that I love her for real or... well, I guess that would be the only reason :P

Well maybe people are right, love is not enough for a happy relationship. But I still have hope. I don't believe in God, but many of you might do. And no, I don't want to hear any shit that it's happening to me because I don't believe in God. So anyway, you have faith in God. No matter what others say, no matter how many times you have been disappointed in life, you still have faith in God and you hope that everything's going to be fine. Right? Now I believe in Love. I have faith in Love. And I hope that everything's going to be fine one day. Am I mistaken in doing that too?

I know, she loves me. And it will take some time for her to realize certain things, but I know she will someday. I am waiting for that day.

Love It....Live It !!!

2011-01-05T18:47:00.002+05:30

We never really care about those who love us with all their heart. All we can think about is the one we love. Living every single moment in the hope that he or she loves us too. And when we find out that the person we are madly in love with doesn't love us back, he or she actually never even bothers about us....we complain that no one loves us.And yet, there will be this other person waiting, pleading for just one chance to prove their love for us. Ready to do anything just to make us feel special. But why should we care? Someone broke our heart so we do the same to others. Say, for a revenge? Is it?

Why not, just for a change...we try to see what the other person has got for us? And maybe....maybe we realize that it was worth it. Who knows?

Just for once, stop running behind the one who never really cared about your love and turn around, look behind....and you will realize that you were never alone, never unloved.

Well...it's all up to you. All I would say is, you've got this one life....LIVE it!

My Christmas Song

2010-12-26T21:34:00.000+05:30

Artworks Update

2010-01-14T18:48:00.002+05:30

Few artworks which I would like to share with you;

Portrait of Avril Lavigne. It came out well...better than expected.

My first perspective drawing (Without using scale!)

This is the photoshop project I'm working on recently.

Oject study.

Denmark Sadism

2009-12-26T10:17:00.005+05:30

Thanks to my friend, Sandeep (Hyderabad,India), who forwarded this mail to me...I would like to stand against this cruelty and ask for your support.

It's a real shame. Denmark, The sea is stained in red and in the mean while it’s not because of the climate effects of nature.

It's because of the cruelty that the human beings (civilised human) kill hundreds of the famous and intelligent Calderon dolphins.

This happens every year in Feroe iland in Denmark . In this slaughter the main participants are young teens.
WHY?
To show that they are adults and mature.... Bullshit!!!

In this big celebration, nothing is missing for the fun. Everyone is participating in one way or the other, killing or looking at the cruelty “supporting like a spectator”

Is it necessary to mention that the dolphin calderon, like all the other species of dolphins, it’s near extinction and they get near men to play and interact. In a way of PURE friendship .

They don’t die instantly; they are cut 1, 2 or 3 times with thick hocks. And at that time the dolphins produce a grim extremely compatible with the cry of a new born child.

But he suffers and there’s no compassion till this sweet being slowly dies in its own blood.

Its enough! We won’t only read, that would make us accomplices, viewers. Let's stand against this inhumanity.

SIGN AGAINST THIS CRUELTY:

2009-12-25T22:37:00.003+05:30

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,
The gladness give you hope,
The warmth grant you love.

Gender Issue

2009-12-19T21:36:00.003+05:30

Based on the Indian movie "Dor", I was supposed to write an article on Gender bias as an assignment. Well I felt like, why should I write about it so limited? I mean, when I just started writing about it, I realized that it's a major issue not only in India but all over the world.

As mentioned in "Looking for a better world" by Stuart J. Malkin, "Gender bias is as hurtful and destructive as any other bias."

Pondering about this topic I couldn't resist but recollect a research by Amanda Chapman of D' Youville College on "Gender Bias in Education". I remember when I was in school. "Sitting in the same classroom, reading the same textbook, listening to the same teacher, boys and girls receive very different educations". (Sadker, 1994)

In fact, upon entering school, girls perform equal to or better than boys on nearly every measure of achievement, but by the time they graduate high school or college, they have fallen behind.

Across the country, majority is the boys falling into trouble. They earn 70% of the D's and F's that teachers dole out. Ending up into juvenile court for some or other reason.

I mean seriously, how often do we hear about a girl being convicted for drug violation, or some murder or as small as stealing?!

In British Columbia, standardized testing indicates that girls outperform boys at all levels of reading and writing and in Alberta testing shows that girls, "significantly outperform boys on reading and writing tests, while almost matching them in math and science."

The socialization of gender within our schools assures that girls are made aware that they are unequal to boys. Every time students are seated or lined up by gender, teachers are affirming that girls and boys should be treated differently. When an administrator ignores an act of sexual harassment, he or she is allowing the degradation of girls. When different behaviors are tolerated for boys than for girls because 'boys will be boys', schools are perpetuating the oppression of females.

When I was in high school, there was this teacher who I don't have any idea why hated to see a girl and a boy talking with each other except about studies. I mean, what the hell is wrong with that? And she won't say anything to the boy but scolds the girl included!

Teachers socialize girls towards a feminine ideal. Girls are praised for being neat, quiet, and calm. whereas boys are encouraged to think independently, be active and speak up.

In our daily life, boys are taunted for throwing like a girl, or crying like a girl, which implies that being a girl is worse than being a boy. Assertive behavior from girls is often seen as disruptive by adults.
(Bailey, 1992) "The clear message to both boys and girls is that girls are not worthy of respect and that appropriate behaviour for boys includes exerting power over girls - or over other, weaker boys." Fuck that!

In our Indian society, people look at a widow with an eye of disrespect. Why can't they treat her as a normal woman...For goodness sake her husband his dead what's her fault in that?!!

From childhood it's been made clear to a girl what are the things she should do and most importantly what she shouldn't! For boys, it's a complete freedom...like "go explore the world, it's all yours."

Right from the time when a girl is born her mother decides her future....a pure feminine one. 'How many mothers dream her daughter to be a soccer player or a boxing champion' ? But why can't they is the one question I wanna ask them. The most important thing to succeed in life is attitude. What can a girl do if her attitude has been molded in such a way that she couldn't even imagine of doing all those things which boys do? From the time she starts to learn, she have been taught that she will always hold a lower position that a boy and that a girl is dependent on a boy or her family.

I understand, that girls and boys hold a specific place in this world. "Girls become a mother, boys are the ones who make them a mother!"

But that doesn't mean we should treat girls with inequality.

A man and a woman are like, the wheels of a cart, balancing it as it moves on. None should be weaker or stronger than the other or else the cart may collapse.

And here's another major deal with genders. "Homosexuals, Bisexuals, Transgenders..." They are no different than us. I feel a surge of anger rising inside me when people talk shits about them. Why treating them as different eh? They are humans, people love their fucking pets more than them!

In India we see some transgenders roaming around on city roads or trains asking for money, talking rudely and misbehaving. That's why you hate them right? Have you ever gave a thought why they do all this? We make them do this. Our fucking limited mentality makes them do this. We treat them as outcasts, weird, freaks...people don't accept them in public...what option they are left with?

I tell you what, I have some homosexual friends. And there's this girl I love who is a bisexual. And you know what, they are better than most of the so called "normal" people that I know. I love them because of their nature. For me, they are as normal as any other human. People who think I'm a freak for this, can go fuck themselves!

Lost Humanity

2009-12-11T05:50:00.001+05:30

It's 5:32 am over here at my place. And thinking about the incident or better say accident i witnessed, i just can't sleep.

My friends and I, we were out for a long drive at around 1 am in the morning. We felt hungry so went to a restaurant which was closed but they give parcel for home (which is illegal). While returning we saw a crowd gathered near a tree. We stopped to see what's the matter. And there it was a guy lying there covered in blood and his scooter near him. I asked the people standing there and they told he collided with the tree. That man was lying there unconscious and all those people were doing was staring at him discussing something among themselves trying their mobiles on some help line. No one even cared to take him to the nearby hospital which was not more than 2 kms away....and guess what, 5 of them had their cars with them!

For goodness sake what the fuck were they thinking?!
Some think they will be in trouble if they go to help, some just don't wanna waste their time or some maybe worried about the seat covers of their cars....bloody dumb-asses!!!

My friend arranged for a cab and we took him to the hospital.
We checked for his ID card in his wallet and some home contact on his phone....and we called them. There was his daughter's photograph in his wallet.

We went to the spot of accident, and collected his stuffs. There was a packet of sweets lying there. He might have got promoted. And he was drunk (must be in celebration).

We waited in the hospital. After like 25 minutes we went in and we got to know that the guy is no more. He fucking died in front of us!
I remembered his daughter's face...Suddenly his wife called on his mobile, I picked up but gave to another guy for the convenience of speaking because I don't know the local language. I told my friends that I don't wanna see his family. What will I say to them?
I had a reality check, I might be tough from outside, but I was too weak at heart for such situations. I just can't see someone crying.

One of my friend was saying, "Let's go yaar, we'll be in trouble."
I was going freaking mad at him but somehow I controlled. At least he came with us.

The doctor called me in. He wanted to record basic info about us cuz we brought him there. I gave my name to him. He was telling me "We are declaring him brought dead."
The man was breathing when we brought him..And Why the hell is he telling me that? And he asked me to sign on it! I said ok. And I signed.

Only if those people would have brought him a bit earlier, only if we would have went out a bit earlier...he might have been living now.

I don't know what to say. It seems like, we are just called as humans.
Yes, we are a part of mankind...We are man but are we kind?

Added: Based on the comments I received.
Please avoid drinking and driving if you don't wanna end up like this guy because in this fucked up world, no body cares !!!

Sorry for the satire. But seriously, Think about your family....someone who loves you might be waiting for you. Please.
I'm not telling you not to drink...But just be careful. Don't drive if you are drunk. Better use a cab or call someone to pick you up.

Movies Update

2009-11-28T22:12:00.000+05:30

OFFICIAL TRAILORS

Avatar
Written and Directed by James Cameron - Director of Terminator, Aliens, Terminator 2, True Lies, Titanic

Releasing Date : 18th December 2009

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
From the Director of 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone'

Starring: Logan Lerman, Pierce Brosnan, Uma Thurman

Releasing Date: 15th February 2010

How to Train Your Dragon
A DREAMWORKS movie
Creators of 'The Shrek', 'Kung Fu Panda'

Voices by Jay Baruchel, Gerard Butler, America Ferrera, Jona Hill and Craig Ferguson

Releasing Date: 26th March 2010

Prince of Persia : Sands of Time
From Jerry Bruckheimer- Producer of The Pirates of Carribean
Directed by Mike Newell- Director of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Alfred Molina

Releasing Date: 28th May 2010

Photo Manipulation

2009-11-27T17:07:00.000+05:30

Well...that's me. I did this to myself in Adobe Photoshop.

Something About Me

2009-11-27T16:06:00.000+05:30

First of all, introduction about me;

I'm a kind of person who considers close relationships to be rare and special. Trust, Faith, Care and Understanding are not mere words written in books for me but i truly mean them.

I'm just a common person with all commmon problems but with slight more complications.Learning from my mistakes, trying to get my way through all these mysteries of life, trying to do things which are good for me and more importantly, good for my loved ones.

I believe in true friendship and my friends mean a lot to me. If needed, i can put my life on stake for my best buddies. I believe in sorting out matters by discussing, talking, debating.....but if that's not enough for someone, my hands can talk for me!If i know i'm right, i can stand against anyone and fight for it.

My Zodiac Sign
Okay...I don't care about all these things like astrology and all but some people do. So here I'm posting what my astrology sign says about me.According to my birth date which is 20th July, my zodiac sign is;
CANCER - The Cutie.
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.

You are extremely sensitive, a quality that has its good and bad sides. Speaking positively, no other sign except Pisces feels as deeply as you do. You've had a great deal of tears-in-your-beer nights, and these experiences have led you to a deeper understanding of life, and a strong commitment to care for others, because you know what they're going through in times of trouble. You comfort, you counsel, you console. This makes you an ideal friend. Once you make a friend, you're always there for them, to bail them out, to keep their secrets, to take their hysterical late-night phone calls. If anyone or anything threatens them, you're the first to defend them— not by erupting into attack mode, but by retreating into a bunker and lying in wait, like a crab retreats into his hole. Your first line of defense is your tough outer shell, which is hard enough to crack. If threatened further, you then attack with your pincers.

It's my life - Richard Howardson

2009-11-27T16:02:00.000+05:30

Well guys, here I am to share about my life with you all.

Some may wonder why I'm sharing my personal experiences with you...

You know,
we all are humans and we do mistakes. Some small, some big. Sometimes we do things which we regret later. And sometimes we learn how to rectify them.
I have also done such mistakes. And some good things too.

Very rarely we realize our own mistakes, and when we do it's too late. But sometimes we learn from others' mistakes. And sometimes we get inspiration from other people's good deeds.

So here I am to share about my life, my mistakes, my rectifications and some other people's life experience which have inspired me to do the things which are for greater goods.

Notice to everyone : There's no need to follow whatever I say. All of you have your own mind so THINK before you BELIEVE.

Photoshop Color Correction

2009-11-13T16:28:00.001+05:30

Recently I have been working on converting black and white picture into colored one. And just to say, i'm quite satisfied with the output ^_^

From Richard Howardson

PROOF - Is that really your opinion?

2009-11-13T16:16:00.000+05:30

This post is in support of my post, Is that really your opinion?
As I said before,
Our opinion is affected a lot by others' opinion
Have you heard about the masterpiece, Le Bateau (The Boat) by Matisse??
You know, it was hung upside-down for 2 months in the Museum of Modern Art, New York - none of the 116,000 visitors noticed until a small kid noticed it.
Check it out here;
http://www.weird-facts.info/Fun-Facts/Fun-Facts-In-1961-Matisses-Le-Bateau-The-Boat-hung-upside-down-fun.htm
Wierd, isn't it?
Everybody coming and going, praising it with so much awe.
Why didn't anybody noticed it?
Ans: Because it was called a masterpiece by the professionals and the museum. I guarantee nobody, not a single one of them understood what really the painting was about. But they said it's awesome because so many others were saying so.
Even if they noticed, they didn't dared to tell because they think people will say they don't have knowledge about arts.
So when someone asked you how was the painting and you said with a glow on your face, 'It was awesome. Really a Masterpiece!"
Was that really your opinion?
Think about it.

2009-11-13T16:13:00.000+05:30

And this is kind of both first and second point mixed.
One of my personal experiences;

I'm a student of multimedia. We have a faculty of fine arts. We are being told that he's really good artist. And frankly speaking, even i think so cuz i have seen his works. But let's keep that aside.
Now, on the college students, an impression is created that he's a good artist and his works are awesome. Keep this point on hold.

Here, one of my friends and classmate....his work is not so good. I mean, personally speaking, most of the times, unsatisfactory. And many of our classmates don't like him either, especially girls. Well...that sucks! but let's not get away from the topic.

So...

One day, he made a painting. But the thing is, it came out good enough. but not that much.

And here starts the real show.
The next day, i showed it to my classmates and some other students....and told them that it's done by that Faculty.

Guess what??
Everybody was like.."hey, it's good re".
Some girl from back was telling, "Show show"
Other's were like...."nice".

To hell with their awe. I mean, what the f**k?!!

They never ever appreciated his work and when i told them the faculty did that...well...you know.

After a while, when i was done with all their f**king bullshit oohs and aahs...
i told them i was lying. And told them who really did that.

So what do they have to say now. They can't accept that their opinions were wrong, can they? No, it's about their pride!

Suddenly one of them was like..."aaah. what re? Anyways, it's good. he's improving eh...nice."
Some other... "Just try not to get those color patches. but it's nice"

Whatever it was, but their faces were worthwatching.

=>Few days back I got a sms from my friend.

It said;
"A crime done by liked ones is considered as silly mistake, but a silly mistake done by unliked ones is considered as a crime. That's what real affection is!"

What I wanna say about it???

It's a bullshit!

Keep in mind my previous post.

And i wanna ask something,

Does it really matters who did it?"

The only thing we should see is, what he/she did.
If it's good...go ahead and praise as you like.
If it's not worth it....don't waste your time!

Is that really your opinion?

2009-11-13T16:04:00.000+05:30

Related to my previous post about beauty, I got something more here.

Let's say;
Our opinion is affected a lot by others' opinion.

Assume a new movie has just been released.
What's the first thing you do?

Look for the ratings in the internet (www.imdb.com) or newspaper or magazine!
Isn't it?

Or ask your friends who have already seen it about the movie, right?

Why? I mean, why don't you just go directly, watch the movie and tell how is it?
Why you inquire about it first?

If the movie got bad ratings on the internet or paper, all your excitement dies down. You are just going to watch the movie taking a thought in your mind that the movie is not so good.
How will you enjoy the movie completely like this?
Yes, it happens!

And if any of your friend comes to you all grin on his face, "Oh damn, the movie was AWESOME! worth watching dude."
What do you do?
Don't you get a feeling that you should also go and watch the movie?

Most of the people today are dependent on what others think about something, not what they think about that thing.

If someone tells you "Levi's clothes are so itchy, uncomfortable. I hate them!"
Most probably you will go for Allen Solly's or Tag Heur.
But you will surely think twice before going for Levi's.

All I want to say is;
Don't depend on others' opinion. Try yourself first and then come to a conclusion. Maybe you'll get the best after all. Who knows?

Beauty

2009-11-13T16:01:00.000+05:30

The beauty of everything lies in your ability to appreciate them...

It's not about "how beautiful the thing is...it's about how beautifully you can appreciate it"

Sometimes i remember one quote in hindi;
किसी को कीचड़ में कमल दिखता है, किसी को चाँद में भी दाग नज़र आता है!

In english, "Some people look at the lotus growing in mud, and some people notice the dark spots on the moon."

Tell me if i'm wrong. But there may be some people whom you like very much. You will say that he/she don't have any bad qualities. They are very good.

Now,
think of that person and just assume that you had a fight with that person. He abused you or flirted with your younger sis (no offense) or anything like that. Just assume.
And then try to figure out his mistakes, his bad qualities. Only bad qualities.

You will find that there are actually some bad things about that person which you never noticed before.

It might sound stupid...why would you think about your best friend in that way? but it's a fact!

It's not same with everyone. Some people do look at everyone with same perspective. They think.
But, (no offense again) Some people don't think. They see what they want to see. They believe what they want to believe.
If someone or something is bad for them, it always is. They don't want to see the better side of that thing.

I Wanna Die ??!!

2009-10-28T02:46:00.001+05:30

Something's really weird about this month.

Everybody close to me, people I love (especially girls) is facing one or other kind of problems. Related to life, health, economy or something else...

This month ain't the best one for me either but I'm not feeling like wanna die!

Yes, all of a sudden they all just want to die, to get rid of their problems. My ex-girlfriend, my present girlfriends, My brother from another mother...
It's so weird and...scary. It's like, "The Happening" has entered them.

What shall I do? After explaining them that shit happens, how life can be so mean to us and we should just hold on, that after every winter there is spring and all those cliche I could use to make them feel better....They are still not out of it. I mean, what if they do something crazy or really die ?!!!

If we are having problems, even big problems....we should try to figure out ways to tackle them. We shouldn't just go kill ourselves to end it once and for all. We will get rid of our pains, of our misery...but what about the people who love us, who care about us? To hell with those who don't care but at least for the ones who really do. Death is not a solution. Some people say they don't have any choice and it's for everyone's good.

F**k that!

We always have a choice. I say they are just cowards and selfish, who don't have enough strength to face their problems and all they care about is themselves.

I have already lost many loved ones and I don't want anymore.
Guys...just think twice before taking any such decision. Now there you will say I have thought over it for long....You are not thinking, you are just letting your emotions come over your mind.

You know the one similar thing between good times and bad times....?
"Good times end...so do bad times!"

Before taking any step, just for once...think about the ones you love, about the ones who love you and care for you. And ask yourself, "Are you being fair to them?" If you really love them, if they really mean something to you...You won't ditch them just like that.

Take care and think!
That's all I would say for now.

See ya all......and Heather honey, I love you. You really are the best. Glad at least you are out of all this trouble. XO