About Me

Labels: Hurt, Love, Pain, Richard Howardson
Labels: Heart, Heartbreak, Love, Quote, Richard Howardson, Sad
There's a lot going on in my life right now, both good and bad.
Well talking about the good things, my poetry book "Love Is All" was published this New Year. I was pretty much excited about it. It was like a dream come true. But you know, it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing else matters anymore!
Last year November 26th, I fell in love with a girl, Monalika (keeping out the last name for obvious reasons). The great part is, she loves me too. The worst part, she thinks we can never be together because we have so many things in different. We don't think alike, we don't live alike, we have different opinions about almost everything and almost everyone. I have been a moron so many times, I know that. There were times when she did things which hurt me, a lot. And said some stupid things, well maybe very stupid things. The thing is, I am ready to change myself maybe completely for her and she is someone who would never change for anyone, not even for me. And seriously, I don't want her to change. All I want is her to at least appreciate what I am doing for her and maybe respect my feelings a bit, understand me!
She's a very good person. She's just different. I can change my habits, my lifestyle, everything but how do I change my feelings? How do I not feel bad when she cares about someone else's feelings more than mine, how do I not feel bad when she gets mad for some reason and won't even let me explain, how do I not feel bad when she says that she never asked me to do all these things for her, to try to change myself according to her and that I can move on if it's hurting me?! I mean for chrissake I'm trying to make this relation work and she won't even appreciate it!!
She holds grudges, even against me. She wouldn't forgive me for some stupid mistake I made. I asked her to go away because she was hurting me. And we broke up. And THAT was my mistake. But not even 1 day had passed I wanted her back. I told her that. But no, she won't forgive me for what I did.
And today I found out that she even has a problem about telling the people that she loves me and she doesn't even want me to tell the world about it (you get it, why I didn't write the last name?). She is a private person when it comes to her relationships, I understand that. But some other guy is telling the world that he's in love with her and she doesn't have MUCH of a problem with that because according to her, he's a very good friend. What am I?! And yes, she thinks I'm comparing myself to him because of that. I am NOT comparing myself, it just makes me feel bad.
Last night, I cried. It had been years I didn't shed a single tear. But from the day she's come in my life, it feels like all the emotions I have hidden inside me are gushing out. I've cried all night so many times and amazingly, I feel good about knowing that I can actually cry! I thought I don't have any feelings like that.
About last night, she said that there is something so common in all the guys, that we all are self centered. We care only about our feelings. Funny, right? A girl I love so much and I'm ready to leave everything for her, the only person in this world that I actually thought I care about more than myself... That girl is saying that I am self centered. How do I NOT feel bad about that?!
It hurts. And even though I know that maybe she will never change, maybe it will keep hurting me, I still have hope. And I want it. I love her and my life might not be very delightful or amicable with her but without her, I wouldn't actually be living! It's better to get hurt than feel nothing.
She wants me to move on. It's funny. I mean, really funny. If she thinks that I will be able to move on just like that, either she doubts that I love her for real or... well, I guess that would be the only reason :P
Well maybe people are right, love is not enough for a happy relationship. But I still have hope. I don't believe in God, but many of you might do. And no, I don't want to hear any shit that it's happening to me because I don't believe in God. So anyway, you have faith in God. No matter what others say, no matter how many times you have been disappointed in life, you still have faith in God and you hope that everything's going to be fine. Right? Now I believe in Love. I have faith in Love. And I hope that everything's going to be fine one day. Am I mistaken in doing that too?
I know, she loves me. And it will take some time for her to realize certain things, but I know she will someday. I am waiting for that day.
Labels: Hurt, Love, Pain, Richard Howardson
Artworks Update
Few artworks which I would like to share with you;
My first perspective drawing (Without using scale!)
This is the photoshop project I'm working on recently.
Oject study.
Labels: Admiration, Artworks, Pencil, Richard Howardson, Sketch
Denmark Sadism
Thanks to my friend, Sandeep (Hyderabad,India), who forwarded this mail to me...I would like to stand against this cruelty and ask for your support.
It's because of the cruelty that the human beings (civilised human) kill hundreds of the famous and intelligent Calderon dolphins.
WHY?
To show that they are adults and mature.... Bullshit!!!
SIGN AGAINST THIS CRUELTY:
Labels: Animal Prevention, Cruelty, Denmark, Dolphin, Inhumanity, Richard Howardson, Sadism
Gender Issue
Based on the Indian movie "Dor", I was supposed to write an article on Gender bias as an assignment. Well I felt like, why should I write about it so limited? I mean, when I just started writing about it, I realized that it's a major issue not only in India but all over the world.
As mentioned in "Looking for a better world" by Stuart J. Malkin, "Gender bias is as hurtful and destructive as any other bias."
Pondering about this topic I couldn't resist but recollect a research by Amanda Chapman of D' Youville College on "Gender Bias in Education". I remember when I was in school. "Sitting in the same classroom, reading the same textbook, listening to the same teacher, boys and girls receive very different educations". (Sadker, 1994)
In fact, upon entering school, girls perform equal to or better than boys on nearly every measure of achievement, but by the time they graduate high school or college, they have fallen behind.
Across the country, majority is the boys falling into trouble. They earn 70% of the D's and F's that teachers dole out. Ending up into juvenile court for some or other reason.
In British Columbia, standardized testing indicates that girls outperform boys at all levels of reading and writing and in Alberta testing shows that girls, "significantly outperform boys on reading and writing tests, while almost matching them in math and science."
The socialization of gender within our schools assures that girls are made aware that they are unequal to boys. Every time students are seated or lined up by gender, teachers are affirming that girls and boys should be treated differently. When an administrator ignores an act of sexual harassment, he or she is allowing the degradation of girls. When different behaviors are tolerated for boys than for girls because 'boys will be boys', schools are perpetuating the oppression of females.
Teachers socialize girls towards a feminine ideal. Girls are praised for being neat, quiet, and calm. whereas boys are encouraged to think independently, be active and speak up.
In our daily life, boys are taunted for throwing like a girl, or crying like a girl, which implies that being a girl is worse than being a boy. Assertive behavior from girls is often seen as disruptive by adults.
(Bailey, 1992) "The clear message to both boys and girls is that girls are not worthy of respect and that appropriate behaviour for boys includes exerting power over girls - or over other, weaker boys." Fuck that!
Lost Humanity
It's 5:32 am over here at my place. And thinking about the incident or better say accident i witnessed, i just can't sleep.
My friends and I, we were out for a long drive at around 1 am in the morning. We felt hungry so went to a restaurant which was closed but they give parcel for home (which is illegal). While returning we saw a crowd gathered near a tree. We stopped to see what's the matter. And there it was a guy lying there covered in blood and his scooter near him. I asked the people standing there and they told he collided with the tree. That man was lying there unconscious and all those people were doing was staring at him discussing something among themselves trying their mobiles on some help line. No one even cared to take him to the nearby hospital which was not more than 2 kms away....and guess what, 5 of them had their cars with them!
For goodness sake what the fuck were they thinking?!
Some think they will be in trouble if they go to help, some just don't wanna waste their time or some maybe worried about the seat covers of their cars....bloody dumb-asses!!!
My friend arranged for a cab and we took him to the hospital.
We checked for his ID card in his wallet and some home contact on his phone....and we called them. There was his daughter's photograph in his wallet.
We went to the spot of accident, and collected his stuffs. There was a packet of sweets lying there. He might have got promoted. And he was drunk (must be in celebration).
We waited in the hospital. After like 25 minutes we went in and we got to know that the guy is no more. He fucking died in front of us!
I remembered his daughter's face...Suddenly his wife called on his mobile, I picked up but gave to another guy for the convenience of speaking because I don't know the local language. I told my friends that I don't wanna see his family. What will I say to them?
I had a reality check, I might be tough from outside, but I was too weak at heart for such situations. I just can't see someone crying.
One of my friend was saying, "Let's go yaar, we'll be in trouble."
I was going freaking mad at him but somehow I controlled. At least he came with us.
The doctor called me in. He wanted to record basic info about us cuz we brought him there. I gave my name to him. He was telling me "We are declaring him brought dead."
The man was breathing when we brought him..And Why the hell is he telling me that? And he asked me to sign on it! I said ok. And I signed.
Only if those people would have brought him a bit earlier, only if we would have went out a bit earlier...he might have been living now.
I don't know what to say. It seems like, we are just called as humans.
Yes, we are a part of mankind...We are man but are we kind?
Added: Based on the comments I received.
Please avoid drinking and driving if you don't wanna end up like this guy because in this fucked up world, no body cares !!!
Sorry for the satire. But seriously, Think about your family....someone who loves you might be waiting for you. Please.
I'm not telling you not to drink...But just be careful. Don't drive if you are drunk. Better use a cab or call someone to pick you up.
Labels: Drinking, Drunk Driving, Lost Humanity, Richard Howardson
Movies Update
OFFICIAL TRAILORS
Avatar
Written and Directed by James Cameron - Director of Terminator, Aliens, Terminator 2, True Lies, Titanic
Releasing Date : 18th December 2009
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
From the Director of 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone'
Starring: Logan Lerman, Pierce Brosnan, Uma Thurman
Releasing Date: 15th February 2010
How to Train Your Dragon
A DREAMWORKS movie
Creators of 'The Shrek', 'Kung Fu Panda'
Voices by Jay Baruchel, Gerard Butler, America Ferrera, Jona Hill and Craig Ferguson
Releasing Date: 26th March 2010
Prince of Persia : Sands of Time
From Jerry Bruckheimer- Producer of The Pirates of Carribean
Directed by Mike Newell- Director of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Alfred Molina
Releasing Date: 28th May 2010
Labels: Animation, Hollywood, Movies, New Release, Richard Howardson, Special Effects
Photoshop Color Correction
Recently I have been working on converting black and white picture into colored one. And just to say, i'm quite satisfied with the output ^_^
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From Richard Howardson |
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From Richard Howardson |
Labels: Adobe Photoshop, Artworks, Digital, Richard Howardson
PROOF - Is that really your opinion?
This post is in support of my post, Is that really your opinion?
As I said before,
Our opinion is affected a lot by others' opinion
Have you heard about the masterpiece, Le Bateau (The Boat) by Matisse??
You know, it was hung upside-down for 2 months in the Museum of Modern Art, New York - none of the 116,000 visitors noticed until a small kid noticed it.
Check it out here;
http://www.weird-facts.info/Fun-Facts/F
Wierd, isn't it?
Everybody coming and going, praising it with so much awe.
Why didn't anybody noticed it?
Ans: Because it was called a masterpiece by the professionals and the museum. I guarantee nobody, not a single one of them understood what really the painting was about. But they said it's awesome because so many others were saying so.
Even if they noticed, they didn't dared to tell because they think people will say they don't have knowledge about arts.
So when someone asked you how was the painting and you said with a glow on your face, 'It was awesome. Really a Masterpiece!"
Was that really your opinion?
Think about it.
Labels: Opinion, Richard Howardson
And this is kind of both first and second point mixed.
One of my personal experiences;
I'm a student of multimedia. We have a faculty of fine arts. We are being told that he's really good artist. And frankly speaking, even i think so cuz i have seen his works. But let's keep that aside.
Now, on the college students, an impression is created that he's a good artist and his works are awesome. Keep this point on hold.
Here, one of my friends and classmate....his work is not so good. I mean, personally speaking, most of the times, unsatisfactory. And many of our classmates don't like him either, especially girls. Well...that sucks! but let's not get away from the topic.
So...
One day, he made a painting. But the thing is, it came out good enough. but not that much.
And here starts the real show.
The next day, i showed it to my classmates and some other students....and told them that it's done by that Faculty.
Guess what??
Everybody was like.."hey, it's good re".
Some girl from back was telling, "Show show"
Other's were like...."nice".
To hell with their awe. I mean, what the f**k?!!
They never ever appreciated his work and when i told them the faculty did that...well...you know.
After a while, when i was done with all their f**king bullshit oohs and aahs...
i told them i was lying. And told them who really did that.
So what do they have to say now. They can't accept that their opinions were wrong, can they? No, it's about their pride!
Suddenly one of them was like..."aaah. what re? Anyways, it's good. he's improving eh...nice."
Some other... "Just try not to get those color patches. but it's nice"
Whatever it was, but their faces were worthwatching.
=>Few days back I got a sms from my friend.
It said;
"A crime done by liked ones is considered as silly mistake, but a silly mistake done by unliked ones is considered as a crime. That's what real affection is!"
What I wanna say about it???
It's a bullshit!
Keep in mind my previous post.
And i wanna ask something,
Does it really matters who did it?"
The only thing we should see is, what he/she did.
If it's good...go ahead and praise as you like.
If it's not worth it....don't waste your time!
Labels: Richard Howardson
Beauty
The beauty of everything lies in your ability to appreciate them...
It's not about "how beautiful the thing is...it's about how beautifully you can appreciate it"
Sometimes i remember one quote in hindi;
किसी को कीचड़ में कमल दिखता है, किसी को चाँद में भी दाग नज़र आता है!
In english, "Some people look at the lotus growing in mud, and some people notice the dark spots on the moon."
Tell me if i'm wrong. But there may be some people whom you like very much. You will say that he/she don't have any bad qualities. They are very good.
Now,
think of that person and just assume that you had a fight with that person. He abused you or flirted with your younger sis (no offense) or anything like that. Just assume.
And then try to figure out his mistakes, his bad qualities. Only bad qualities.
You will find that there are actually some bad things about that person which you never noticed before.
It might sound stupid...why would you think about your best friend in that way? but it's a fact!
It's not same with everyone. Some people do look at everyone with same perspective. They think.
But, (no offense again) Some people don't think. They see what they want to see. They believe what they want to believe.
If someone or something is bad for them, it always is. They don't want to see the better side of that thing.
Labels: Beauty, Psychology, Richard Howardson, Think
I Wanna Die ??!!
Something's really weird about this month.
Everybody close to me, people I love (especially girls) is facing one or other kind of problems. Related to life, health, economy or something else...
This month ain't the best one for me either but I'm not feeling like wanna die!
Yes, all of a sudden they all just want to die, to get rid of their problems. My ex-girlfriend, my present girlfriends, My brother from another mother...
It's so weird and...scary. It's like, "The Happening" has entered them.
What shall I do? After explaining them that shit happens, how life can be so mean to us and we should just hold on, that after every winter there is spring and all those cliche I could use to make them feel better....They are still not out of it. I mean, what if they do something crazy or really die ?!!!
If we are having problems, even big problems....we should try to figure out ways to tackle them. We shouldn't just go kill ourselves to end it once and for all. We will get rid of our pains, of our misery...but what about the people who love us, who care about us? To hell with those who don't care but at least for the ones who really do. Death is not a solution. Some people say they don't have any choice and it's for everyone's good.
F**k that!
We always have a choice. I say they are just cowards and selfish, who don't have enough strength to face their problems and all they care about is themselves.
I have already lost many loved ones and I don't want anymore.
Guys...just think twice before taking any such decision. Now there you will say I have thought over it for long....You are not thinking, you are just letting your emotions come over your mind.
You know the one similar thing between good times and bad times....?
"Good times end...so do bad times!"
Before taking any step, just for once...think about the ones you love, about the ones who love you and care for you. And ask yourself, "Are you being fair to them?" If you really love them, if they really mean something to you...You won't ditch them just like that.
Take care and think!
That's all I would say for now.
See ya all......and Heather honey, I love you. You really are the best. Glad at least you are out of all this trouble. XO
Labels: Richard Howardson