Belated Happy New Year to everyone. I have been gone for a while. It's not like I didn't have anything to write here. I didn't get time or maybe I was just not feeling like updating anything.

There's a lot going on in my life right now, both good and bad.
Well talking about the good things, my poetry book "Love Is All" was published this New Year. I was pretty much excited about it. It was like a dream come true. But you know, it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing else matters anymore!

Last year November 26th, I fell in love with a girl, Monalika (keeping out the last name for obvious reasons). The great part is, she loves me too. The worst part, she thinks we can never be together because we have so many things in different. We don't think alike, we don't live alike, we have different opinions about almost everything and almost everyone. I have been a moron so many times, I know that. There were times when she did things which hurt me, a lot. And said some stupid things, well maybe very stupid things. The thing is, I am ready to change myself maybe completely for her and she is someone who would never change for anyone, not even for me. And seriously, I don't want her to change. All I want is her to at least appreciate what I am doing for her and maybe respect my feelings a bit, understand me!

She's a very good person. She's just different. I can change my habits, my lifestyle, everything but how do I change my feelings? How do I not feel bad when she cares about someone else's feelings more than mine, how do I not feel bad when she gets mad for some reason and won't even let me explain, how do I not feel bad when she says that she never asked me to do all these things for her, to try to change myself according to her and that I can move on if it's hurting me?! I mean for chrissake I'm trying to make this relation work and she won't even appreciate it!!

She holds grudges, even against me. She wouldn't forgive me for some stupid mistake I made. I asked her to go away because she was hurting me. And we broke up. And THAT was my mistake. But not even 1 day had passed I wanted her back. I told her that. But no, she won't forgive me for what I did.

And today I found out that she even has a problem about telling the people that she loves me and she doesn't even want me to tell the world about it (you get it, why I didn't write the last name?). She is a private person when it comes to her relationships, I understand that. But some other guy is telling the world that he's in love with her and she doesn't have MUCH of a problem with that because according to her, he's a very good friend. What am I?! And yes, she thinks I'm comparing myself to him because of that. I am NOT comparing myself, it just makes me feel bad.

Last night, I cried. It had been years I didn't shed a single tear. But from the day she's come in my life, it feels like all the emotions I have hidden inside me are gushing out. I've cried all night so many times and amazingly, I feel good about knowing that I can actually cry! I thought I don't have any feelings like that.

About last night, she said that there is something so common in all the guys, that we all are self centered. We care only about our feelings. Funny, right? A girl I love so much and I'm ready to leave everything for her, the only person in this world that I actually thought I care about more than myself... That girl is saying that I am self centered. How do I NOT feel bad about that?!

It hurts. And even though I know that maybe she will never change, maybe it will keep hurting me, I still have hope. And I want it. I love her and my life might not be very delightful or amicable with her but without her, I wouldn't actually be living! It's better to get hurt than feel nothing.

She wants me to move on. It's funny. I mean, really funny. If she thinks that I will be able to move on just like that, either she doubts that I love her for real or... well, I guess that would be the only reason :P

Well maybe people are right, love is not enough for a happy relationship. But I still have hope. I don't believe in God, but many of you might do. And no, I don't want to hear any shit that it's happening to me because I don't believe in God. So anyway, you have faith in God. No matter what others say, no matter how many times you have been disappointed in life, you still have faith in God and you hope that everything's going to be fine. Right? Now I believe in Love. I have faith in Love. And I hope that everything's going to be fine one day. Am I mistaken in doing that too?

I know, she loves me. And it will take some time for her to realize certain things, but I know she will someday. I am waiting for that day.

Love It....Live It !!!

We never really care about those who love us with all their heart. All we can think about is the one we love. Living every single moment in the hope that he or she loves us too. And when we find out that the person we are madly in love with doesn't love us back, he or she actually never even bothers about us....we complain that no one loves us.And yet, there will be this other person waiting, pleading for just one chance to prove their love for us. Ready to do anything just to make us feel special. But why should we care? Someone broke our heart so we do the same to others. Say, for a revenge? Is it?

Why not, just for a change...we try to see what the other person has got for us? And maybe....maybe we realize that it was worth it. Who knows?

Just for once, stop running behind the one who never really cared about your love and turn around, look behind....and you will realize that you were never alone, never unloved.

Well...it's all up to you. All I would say is, you've got this one life....LIVE it!

My Christmas Song

Artworks Update

Few artworks which I would like to share with you;

Portrait of Avril Lavigne. It came out well...better than expected.

My first perspective drawing (Without using scale!)

This is the photoshop project I'm working on recently.

Oject study.

Denmark Sadism

Thanks to my friend, Sandeep (Hyderabad,India), who forwarded this mail to me...I would like to stand against this cruelty and ask for your support.

It's a real shame. Denmark, The sea is stained in red and in the mean while it’s not because of the climate effects of nature.

It's because of the cruelty that the human beings (civilised human) kill hundreds of the famous and intelligent Calderon dolphins.

 

This happens every year in Feroe iland in Denmark . In this slaughter the main participants are young teens.
WHY?
To show that they are adults and mature.... Bullshit!!!

In this big celebration, nothing is missing for the fun. Everyone is participating in one way or the other, killing or looking at the cruelty “supporting like a spectator”

Is it necessary to mention that the dolphin calderon, like all the other species of dolphins, it’s near extinction and they get near men to play and interact. In a way of PURE friendship .

They don’t die instantly; they are cut 1, 2 or 3 times with thick hocks. And at that time the dolphins produce a grim extremely compatible with the cry of a new born child. 

But he suffers and there’s no compassion till this sweet being slowly dies in its own blood.

Its enough! We won’t only read, that would make us accomplices, viewers. Let's stand against this inhumanity.

SIGN AGAINST THIS CRUELTY:

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,
The gladness give you hope,
The warmth grant you love.

Gender Issue

Based on the Indian movie "Dor", I was supposed to write an article on Gender bias as an assignment. Well I felt like, why should I write about it so limited? I mean, when I just started writing about it, I realized that it's a major issue not only in India but all over the world.

As mentioned in "Looking for a better world" by Stuart J. Malkin, "Gender bias is as hurtful and destructive as any other bias."

Pondering about this topic I couldn't resist but recollect a research by Amanda Chapman of D' Youville College on "Gender Bias in Education". I remember when I was in school. "Sitting in the same classroom, reading the same textbook, listening to the same teacher, boys and girls receive very different educations". (Sadker, 1994)

In fact, upon entering school, girls perform equal to or better than boys on nearly every measure of achievement, but by the time they graduate high school or college, they have fallen behind.

Across the country, majority is the boys falling into trouble. They earn 70% of the D's and F's that teachers dole out. Ending up into juvenile court for some or other reason.

I mean seriously, how often do we hear about a girl being convicted for drug violation, or some murder or as small as stealing?!

In British Columbia, standardized testing indicates that girls outperform boys at all levels of reading and writing and in Alberta testing shows that girls, "significantly outperform boys on  reading and writing tests, while almost matching them in math and science."

The socialization of gender within our schools assures that girls are made aware that they are unequal to boys. Every time students are seated or lined up by gender, teachers are affirming that girls and boys should be treated differently. When an administrator ignores an act of sexual harassment, he or she is allowing the degradation of girls. When different behaviors are tolerated for boys than for girls because 'boys will be boys', schools are perpetuating the oppression of females.

When I was in high school, there was this teacher who I don't have any idea why hated to see a girl and a  boy talking with each other except about studies. I mean, what the hell is wrong with that? And she won't say anything to the boy but scolds the girl included!

Teachers socialize girls towards a feminine ideal. Girls are praised for being neat, quiet, and calm. whereas boys are encouraged to think independently, be active and speak up.

In our daily life, boys are taunted for throwing like a girl, or crying like a girl, which implies that being a girl is worse than being a boy. Assertive behavior from girls is often seen as disruptive by adults.
(Bailey, 1992) "The clear message to both boys and girls is that girls are not worthy of respect and that appropriate behaviour for boys includes exerting power over girls - or over other, weaker boys." Fuck that!

In our Indian society, people look at a widow with an eye of disrespect. Why can't they treat her as a normal woman...For goodness sake her husband his dead what's her fault in that?!!

From childhood it's been made clear to a girl what are the things she should do and most importantly what she shouldn't! For boys, it's a complete freedom...like "go explore the world, it's all yours."

Right from the time when a girl is born her mother decides her future....a pure feminine one. 'How many mothers dream her daughter to be a soccer player or a boxing champion' ? But why can't they is the one question I wanna ask them. The most important thing to succeed in life is attitude. What can a girl do if her attitude has been molded in such a way that she couldn't even imagine of doing all those things which boys do? From the time she starts to learn, she have been taught that she will always hold a lower position that a boy and that a girl is dependent on a boy or her family.

I understand, that girls and boys hold a specific place in this world. "Girls become a mother, boys are the ones who make them a mother!"

But that doesn't mean we should treat girls with inequality.

A man and a woman are like, the wheels of a cart, balancing it as it moves on. None should be weaker or stronger than the other or else the cart may collapse.

And here's another major deal with genders. "Homosexuals, Bisexuals, Transgenders..." They are no different than us. I feel a surge of anger rising inside me when people talk shits about them. Why treating them as different eh? They are humans, people love their fucking pets more than them!

In India we see some transgenders roaming around on city roads or trains asking for money, talking rudely and misbehaving. That's why you hate them right? Have you ever gave a thought why they do all this? We make them do this. Our fucking limited mentality makes them do this. We treat them as outcasts, weird, freaks...people don't accept them in public...what option they are left with?

I tell you what, I have some homosexual friends. And there's this girl I love who is a bisexual. And you know what, they are better than most of the so called "normal" people that I know. I love them because of their nature. For me, they are as normal as any other human. People who think I'm a freak for this, can go fuck themselves!